


Poems And Crap

by Letswastesomemoretime



Series: Poems [1]
Category: poems - Fandom
Genre: Attempt, Death, Depression, Desperation, Emotional, Feelings, Feels, Pain, Poems, Suicide, suicidal, thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 08:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14849639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Letswastesomemoretime/pseuds/Letswastesomemoretime
Summary: Emotional Crap going over; Depression, insanity, suicide, family issues, stress, over all feelings, failed attempts of things, hallucinations, sometimes even migraines, and more!Usually too short to matter, but oh well I can fix that later.Sorry of you find this too depressing that's just where I am!





	1. How Close Is The Closest Star

Are you proud of your precious child?

 

The one that you held so close to your arms,

 

But were so far from?

 

Did you care that the wind flowed like the tears she cried?

 

Day after day?

 

Motionless she laid there,

 

Feeling nothing,

 

Waiting for anything

 

And living day by day,

 

Numb.

 

How many people have walked over her,

 

When did she break?

 

Do you know who she even is?

 

If you did,

 

You would've helped the small child,

 

Afraid and alone,

 

That cries their heart out for someone to set them free,

 

But the chains they hold will never set them free.

 

Did you see her eyes?

 

Tired and Sad,

 

Did you see the way she paid no mind to what you did even if it hurt her?

 

You said she was strong,

 

But did it ever feel like it?

 

Lies you tell,

 

Are the same as truth,

 

Aren't they?

 

What do you think she went through?

 

What do you think she did to pass the time?

 

What do you think she did when she was alone?

 

Why do you think I'm gone?

 

I am her.

 

She is me.

 

And why didn't you stop it, when I needed it?

 

Did you stop me from jumping?

 

Did you stop me from hanging?

 

Did you stop me from stabbing?

 

I'm ready for hell.

 

I can't blame you though...

 

You didn't know.

 

You don't deserve hell.

 

The ones who caused this do.

 

Don't blame yourself,

 

Don't be like me.

 

Don't kill yourself because of me,

 

I'm not worth it.

 

It's not worth it.


	2. The Way You Fall

Even if you hold close to who you are,

 

You will find you are more distant to those you love.

 

And when you say you want to live,

 

It will already be too late.

 

There is no freedom,

 

To those weak enough to suicide

 

Trapped between life and death,

 

And losing what you know and hoping for what you had.

 

To feel good again,

 

Is but a distant memory.

 

And when you realize it's too late,

 

It won't set you free.

 

And when you're crying yourself to sleep,

 

You'll ask, "Why?"

 

For isn't that the question we ask every day,

 

The driving doubt.

 

And eats you away every day,

 

And no one seems to notice it but 'True Friends.'

 

And as it eats at you,

 

You start to panic.

 

And when you lose all emotion,

 

You will long to feel anything,

 

So you start to harm yourself,

 

And if that doesn't make you feel anything,

 

You are like me.

 

You are like me,

 

Thinking that there is no hope and you are stranded in limbo forever.

 

And while they're laughing away,

 

You are suffering.

 

You are suffering,

 

And you start to wonder if you are actually human.

 

And that's where you've hit rock bottom.

 

Believe me, that's when you start trying every day to find something,

 

Because emotion is what makes us human,

 

And if we don't have that then...

 

What am I?


	3. Can You See What I See?

Can't you see the crimson walls?

For what you hate becomes a reality.

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

Killing you from the inside out.

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

And holding on to a future,

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

Does it bring you anywhere?

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

For one life unsaved,

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

Will be my curse.

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

When life is nonexistent.

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

When you need someone,

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

Can you really tell them?

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

Can you tell the everything you see?

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

What is the truth,

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

Will hurt you most of all.

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

For soon when you walk those halls.

 

Can't you see the crimson walls?

You will realize,

That you are the Crimson Walls,

That hurt you ever since,

And when you break,

Everything will be gone,

 

And you'll be...

 

Free.


	4. Meaningless Weakness

I feel weak

 

Whenever the sun comes out

 

I feel cold

 

Life was never the same since that day

 

Love broken in all corners

 

I'm gonna hide it away

 

My meaningless weaknesses

 

Living in my soul

 

Hating myself

 

Every inch

 

I'm out of my body

 

Pacing what was living in my brain

 

Hate surrounding what used to be me

 

Why am I like this

 

How did I end up this way

 

I ask myself that every day

 

Silence


	5. Faded Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is probably a song but, idk.

Waking up again

 

It's the same again

 

I can't believe your gone

 

In my dreams, you stayed

 

How can I move on

 

When your the only one who keeps me

 

Staying strong

 

The rain is pouring down my window pane

 

And I just can't stop thinking

 

'Bout just how we used to be

 

I wish you were here with me

 

Now I'm drowning

 

Slowly fading away

 

Need you here need you now

 

I'm still waiting somehow

 

Won't you save me

 

Hold me close

 

The way you used to do

 

Now I know

 

I know

 

I gotta let you go

 

Remembering the days

 

When you'd pull me close

 

Into your warm embrace

 

With three words

 

And how you got on your knee

 

To ask me

 

If forever with you could come true

 

Now all the plan we made are gone

 

Why couldn't I do anything to

 

Keep you here right by my side

 

I wish you were still alive

 

Now I'm drowning

 

Slowly fading away

 

Need you here need you now

 

I'm still waiting somehow

 

Won't you save me

 

Hold me close

 

The way you used to do

 

Now I know

 

I know

 

I gotta let you go

 

You know that I'll be holding on

 

You know that I just can't move on

 

I wish you were here with me

 

You know that I'll be holding on

 

You know that I just can't move on


	6. Breaking Away

Give me a sign!

 

What am I supposed to do? 

 

How do I tell you how my heart beats?

 

If I never see you again,

 

How do I tell you how I felt all this time,

 

Without breaking?

 

How do I tell you without wanting to end it all?

 

But the wind blows in a certain way,

 

To where plans always fail,

 

And the lies I tell...

 

How do I way the so...

 

So you don't leave me behind...?

 

I'm waiting for my time...!

 

Waiting for an answer...!

 

How do I tell him without breaking...?


	7. Smiles Without Meaning

Can you tell I'm on edge?

 

The anxiety that hits me.

 

And the lies I tell to cover up the truth.

 

How many lies have been told? 

 

About every word I say has died.

 

This smile show has never been real,

 

Now,

 

That you're not here.

 

This smile I show has never been real, 

 

Now, 

 

That you're not here.

 

This feeling of loneliness

 

Has never been so great.

 

The words you used to say,

 

Gone...

 

Now,

 

That you're not here.

 

My heart is practically broken,

 

Your words hit me hard.

 

And life never felt so down,

 

Now...

 

That you're not here...


	8. Fix What's Broken

Tear streaming down my face,

Scars running over my veins, 

How do I love it so?

Lies never hurt, you know?

 

Oh, the days I've waited for happiness,

Fills up a million calendars,

And what you change will just come back to haunt me at night.

 

So why try and fix what is broken?

How do you find hope in the hopeless?

How do you love an enemy?

 

What do you find in me?


	9. The Lie You Raised

Words won't satisfy what you've done,

My heart never won,

And the pain continues on again.

 

I've seen this all so many times before.

I've walked these halls,

I've seen these floors,

 

And I will wait for life,

To come again,

To come to a barren land that's never seen the sun.

 

And I'll just wait for the end.

 

And the dreams you've had will never come true,

And the lie you raise will always know the truth,

And the words you say will never fix your mistakes.

 

But I'll still wait for the day.


	10. Heaven You Deserve

Hold on to what little faith you have.

Maybe that will lead you on the path,

That your so-called 'God' has given you,

I hope that you'll go far on belief.

 

I'll just be here waiting for that so-called 'God' to set us free.

And your 'Gospel' let it get you lost in its words.

 

Let your faith surround you in what little sanity you have left,

And I hope your 'God' gives you the heaven you deserve.

 

I'll tell you how the Devil's doing when I get off that pit stop.


	11. Anything At All

The years have gone by and I still feel the same,

I still cry at night but I hear that's okay,

The lies I've told hold ever mistake,

But I wait for the day when I can feel just something.

 

I just want to be happy again,

Hell, I just want anything at all.

This smile I share is just a way to hide the ways I've broken and flawed.

But I'll still wait to feel the light again.


	12. Never Called Home

How many times has it been?

Words hurt, I know it sounds stupid.

But it never stopped the flow of sentences stabbing me from behind.

 

Tell me how heaven is when you send that postcard.

I hope that the pits of hell are better than I'm told.

 

I know one day I won't be here anymore,

And nobody will know my name.

The cuts I have won't prove that wrong.

And the places I've never called home can tell you all the blood I've spilled.

These words hurt me more than my numbing heart and these marked arms.


	13. No Matter How I Try

I feel as if the sky is falling and the words I say don't matter.

 

The lies I've seen come and go haunt me in my dreams at night.

 

These lies I tell are as fake as my smile,

 

But I wouldn't say that to you.

 

Even now as I write,

 

I space out to look at the mess I caused.

 

Because no matter how I try and fix my mistakes,

 

They always come back to say hello.

 

I question why it ended like this,

 

Because my fate was sealed in stone from the start.

 

Like a written script, this part I play as a puppet on strings,

 

Is just a game,

 

Like I've seen.


	14. How Many?

When will be the end of these lies you tell, to cover what needs to be known?

How many hearts will be broken by your hearty soul?

How many stones will you turn before we get to the end?

How many people will you disappoint in every hour of your lively hood?

How can you live like you don't know your life will end?

My life depends on you,

But can you depend on me?

How many lives will be destroyed before you trust me once?

Love you've shared,

It comes so naturally,

But will you ever look at me with those loving eyes?

I barely even see you.

This bond we should have is just not there.

How can I be intertwined with your fate,

If the ribbon is tied on both ends.

I have to keep holding on,

So I guess I hang on by a thread,

But will you ever be there for me again?

You've known me all my life.

I guess this is half true,

Because you haven't seen most of it.

You dampen my eyes,

As I cry,

Just leave me,

I'll be okay eventually.

I'll see you soon...

Goodbye...


	15. For Once

I question how many days are left to live,

This constant whirlwind of anxieties,

And its tornados of depression that last till my final breath.

How many nights are left to be filled with blood and tears?

What sanity do I have left to burn in this hell of a life?

What do I need to do to feel happy once in my life?

How can I continue like this?

A constant state of cuts and ropes,

What option could I be missing?

Am I just here to be a useless object only there for decoration?

How many panic attacks will be had before you see I'm constantly in pain?

My heart will break a thousand more times,

Won't it?

And the lives I meet will never know my name.

And I'll leave without a trace.


	16. Written Words Without A Hint Of Sanity

I've been writing my own dictionary,

Of words, I use to kill myself,

Lives I never knew as much as lies ever tell,

Hurting from the pain of words I swore would never stab me,

But really I'm hanging myself from my own vocabulary.

I mean the insane voices that sing me to sleep,

And the dripping of my visions on the walls,

There's more to be said than just some average depression.

These scars that gently sweep my veins,

And the pills I never take,

Are probably the very reason I'm insane.

My uneasy thoughts,

And acts of depression,

And the rope that leaves a mark in my neck,

How much worse can it possibly be?

Maybe my heart is just telling a lie,

Or maybe it's something in my tea?

I wonder why I want to die,

My Christmas list is more than empty,

The blood stains on my burnt papers,

Not to be seen again,

How have I not been caught dead,

I'd gladly join in.


	17. Who Loves A Sad Sack Like Me?

How can you say you love me?

You barely even know me.

My heart is always burning for love,

Because I want someone to love me like they used to.

I feel as everyone has left me in life,

An I can't express why I cry and cry.

But you'll never understand what it's like,

Because you never wanted to die.

My soul has longed for someone to hold me like a mother does,

I may have you,

But you were never there for me.

You wonder why I turned like this,

Put on my shoes,

And walk this way.

You should be with me,

I know you want love,

But you're my only support,

You're all I got.

Sure my eyes are damp from every time you stomped on my feelings,

I may sit there and cry and say give,

You still don't know why?

If only you were there to help me,

Maybe our relationship would be fine.

But after all this time,

I'm on the line,

Of a tightrope,

Hoping I can find you on the other end,

But then again,

I don't expect you to be there,

Because when were you ever?


	18. Zerø Friends and Zerø Family

I look at the people I know,

How do you stay alive?

I've looked at all these hearts got broke,

I wonder why?

People I love don't care about me,

I question why they even know about me.

My heart is dry and damps where people have left me stranded.

You do not know my hurt,

You do not know my heart.

You don't know how many tears I cry just to make the pain stop.

The world we live in is cruel beyond compare.

The happiest people are lying and the saddest are at their worst.

What can you say to change the facts,

Despite you know it's right?

How many fights can you win if you aren't strong enough to join them?

How many wars can you wage if you can't decide them?

Are you tired of these things that keep you up at night?


	19. Can I Rest Good Tonight?

I can feel my heart beating faster,

And I'm getting dizzy,

I feel like I'm going to pass out.

But my mind is alive and I feel as if I could go insane.

I want to rest but I'll never be able to,

My stomach starts to turn.

I can feel my hands getting stiffer and stiffer,

But just not quite there,

I'd like to sleep tonight,

That would be really nice, but I don't think it's going to get there.

I can the heat on my forehead,

This is the night where I won't get sleep at all,

These blankets are calling me but I can't seem to find comfort,

Maybe it's my feelings of depression or maybe it's just me?

I guess we'll never know.


	20. The Matter With Suicide

What's the use of being next to someone,

If they won't notice you're there?

What's the point of living,

If no one loves you?

What's the point of hoping for a better life,

If you've gone to a point of no return?

What's the matter with suicide?

Why can't I die like others do?

Why should I go home,

If I never considered it a home?

When will I truly be able to feel no pain,

And end it all?

Is suicide the only option?

I'll take that over staying here.

I'd rather end it all than live in this constant state of depression and anxiety.

The panic attacks will end.

The cuts will stop.

The attempts will cease to exist.

Will there ever be a day where I can truly not exist anymore?

I want to die.


	21. Not A Day Goes By

I've waited for a day to come where I didn't have pain,

It never came.

I've always wondered what it was like to feel alright,

It won't happen.

Most of the time,

I wish I wish never born.

I know I'm a mistake,

Not a day goes by that I don't know that.

Every day I ask,

Why am I still alive?

I know I'm useless.

I know I'm a waste of space.

I know.

Every moment,

That's how I feel.

No words of support will fix me.

Oh so long ago,

Maybe it would.

But,

It won't break this constant headache urging me to cut and kill.

Tiring excuses,

Boring people,

Deadly thoughts,

Bloody visions.

What else should I add to my collection?


	22. Petrified

How much pain can I take?

I've already broken,

There's nothing you can fix.

My heart has shrunken from all the blood it has spilled.

My arms are a battlefield of antidepressants and hospitals.

I've tired of the life that I have,

I can't change it.

Can you say there's nothing wrong with me,

If you don't know the half of it?

I wonder how much blood has been lost from my raging heart.

Hell just doesn't like me.

I wonder if I'll ever see a future.

My words don't matter to you though, do they?

I'm someone off a screen.

You don't know my life.

You know my vents.

My heart is petrified,

But I can try.


	23. Ink Will Run

How many nights are covered with tears?

An ocean on my papers,

The ink will run,

My hands will shake,

And the blood will gather.

And the gun will pull.

And I will be gone.


	24. Happy Pill

Is there a way to stop the pain?

I hide my feelings to feel safe,

I'm practically insane!

Holding onto weapons as if they're family,

I'll always welcome them into my heart!

How do you know I'm okay?

I cut my skin to feel something!

Let me get rid of my mountain of antidepressants on the table so you have somewhere to sit!

Do you have a new pill in mind for me to take?

I only get a little shaky without them,

Don't worry I'll be fine,

But do you have a happy pill in there for me to take?

I'll medicate till I bleed!

Don't worry I'm taking them!


	25. Five Reasons I Keep Ropes Under My Bed

Cut my skin till it gets used to it!

A new form of torture,

It's a stretch of kindness not 'lack of humanity!'

It's part of my reasons I hide my ropes and knives under my bed,

Because they don't need to know the times I try to die.

You might doubt my humanity,

That's fine,

I lost it long ago.

But you already knew that don't you?

After all,

Why would I be writing if I wasn't?


	26. Won't Describe My Screams

I find it harder and harder to keep sane,

 

Unsteady; my constant mood.

 

Prone to anxiety,

 

Scared can't describe the ways I scream.

 

And these sleepless nights will hold my heart,

 

But they make me feel the safest I've ever been.

 

Sleepless nights will always be close to me.

 

And the ones that question I will always brush it off like nothing,

 

Because the words I say will never matter to them.

 

And the ones that love me,

 

They don't know how little emotion I have.

 

I get so tired of having to hide,

 

But what else do I have?

 

The only friend I have is the one that knows to it's fullest extent,

 

How I'm dead inside and out,

 

How others laugh and I try to mimic what they say.

 

No matter how much we miss our good days.

 

One will have the other's back.

 

And rely on the other to hold the tightrope so we can get across.

 

One day I hope everything will pass,

 

And we can live like we want.

 

But until then,

 

We suffer through the pains of life, 

 

Without even a trace,

 

Goodbye precious life.


End file.
